The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
