They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
