Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
