I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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