there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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