She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
