she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
