Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
