I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
