I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
