If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
