sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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