I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was like his penis was on wheels.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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