U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
