I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
