He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
