Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
