how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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