I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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