is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
