but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
a search helicopter?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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