Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
