i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
