i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
