i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
