Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
