she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
