I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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