ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
