Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
