so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
