Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
