FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
