somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
