There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
