Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
