Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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