Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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