just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
