You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How external is "for external use only"?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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