gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
