Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
