after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize