its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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