My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
