im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
