Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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