I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sober January is a disaster.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
