Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
