dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
