Your face is a jimmy john
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
