I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
