her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im holly from the hills drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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