Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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