Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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