and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So many bounce houses so little time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
