She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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