the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
