I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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