So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
