Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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