If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
